January 23rd - THIS IS SPINAL TAP!!!!

Following on from yesterday we hit the road from Amarillo for our next 6 hour journey. It's still very cold and the I wish I could put into words just how cold it gets at the front of the bus - put it this way, when we arrived in Amarillo Skeet's feet were so cold that when he put them infront of the heater there was steam coming off of them. It is THAT cold!

So we roll on for a few hours. When you get to this point in tour you really do have no concept of time or day. Everyone sleeps at different times so we are rarely all at the front of the bus. We also take turns to go down and sit with Skeet so that he doesn't die of boredom.

Around 4 hours into the journey we stop in a small town called Clarendon. It's real cowboy town. The buildings are old and worn down and look like a wild west film set. We are all amazed that this kind of place exists. There is a small steakhouse where we go to get some food - we all need a good meal after the last couple of days.

Towns like this rarely see people dressed like us. Rarer still is a bunch of guys like us rolling into town in a 40ft turquoise tour bus!!! Heads turn on the street and as we enter the steak house. I'll keep this short. We get a good meal inside us and the waitresses want our autographs and signed posters and pictures taken - and this is not a one off, it happens every time we go to an RV park or a gas station. It feels good. We are rockstars. We have a good bit of banter with the owner and Johnny tries to get a set of the cattle horns but the owner wants one of our leather jackets in return - that aint gonna happen. But we leave them CD's, posters and photos. Unfortunately we can't convince the waitress to "have a look at our bus" - but you win some you lose some.

Heres a pic from the steak house

and a posed one cause we think it's cool!

Back on the road again and we only have a couple of hours until we get to Ft.Worth so we call ahead to the venue and tell them we are a day early and to expect us. What is so great about touring in the US is that people are actually NICE! They are genuinely excited that we will be there to have a few 'quiet' drinks. When we arrive they let us plug the bus in so that we have power. Before we can even check the venue out, Scott gets the drinking underway with a relaxing bottle of beer. What comes next could be disturbing for some..... but entertaining for sure!!!

We shoot some pool and play arcade games for a while. Scott takes pride in telling the whole bar how proud he is to wear the British Bulldog on his chest as us Brits beat the Americans 5-0 at pool. At the same time the drinks are flowing steadily and are followed every time with shots of sambucca and jaegermeister. It is a bad combo and soon Scott is wobbling around. I'm not saying that we weren't all a bit pissed - but we are on the verge of a problem. Add this to the fact that this place is full of big metal head Texans and you never know what might happen.

A side note....... throughout the evening we are all amused at the vertically challenged lady that is shooting pool. Okay she wasn't just vertically challenged, she is a midget and can't even see over the pool table. Brilliant.

Anyway, back to the fun. Scott has now been missing for about an hour and we think he is in the bus asleep - WRONG! He is in the toilet unconscious surronded by his own vomit and sh*t. On top of that he is wearing my t-shirt that I let him borrow and it is saturated!!!! We take some video footage of him trying to stand whilst Freddie pours beer and soap on his head - Scott is oblivious. We leave him there for a while.

Back out in the bar, our 3.5ft friend is now up on the tables poledancing. It is a very bizarre sight - even more so when Freddie jumps onboard and gyrates with her. I'm not sure whether it's funny, scary or a dream - but what Freddie thought would be a laugh clearly isn't when her ass lands on his face! Her friends eventually drag her away and get her dressed again.

So far we've had drunken tomfoolery, a midget and a rock band...... could there be more? You'd better believe it!

Skeet gets Scott into his bunk somehow. I wouldn't have touched him myself cause he was covered in his own mess. Fair play to the man, he is not only a bus driver, but a nanny.

The bar closes at 2am but then it's time for a lock in. The curtains are drawn, the doors shut and the pitchers of beer put on the table. A mexican 'lady' called Theresa is now joining the party and wants some fun. Now how the conversation turned to spanking with studded belts I have no idea - but it does and before you know it we are taking it in turns to drop our jeans and underwear (those that have any on) and take a beating on the ass with a studded belt. It hurts like hell! Freddie LOVES it. In fact, Freddie volunteers himself for several more lashings. I am shocked - deeply shocked at how this young man has taken to the submissive slave role so quickly and enthusiasticly.... you learn a lot of new things about you friends when you are tour. I'm not sure I want to learn much more.

I have no idea what time I hit my bunk, but others stayed up. I think the Tattooed Millionaires are starting to find out just what they let themselves in for when they invited 4 English guys and a Scott on tour with them. Fun times ahead.

The video footage will be appearing soon, but for now here are some piccies...

Marty:Riot